There is some irony in the timing of finally receiving the good news about the *most likely* source of this mystery leg pain that has been with me for the last 9 months. It came during my birthday month, which as usual, was full of celebrations of life.
These days, I am also rejoicing that I am still alive—finally, fully on board, in my thoughts and beliefs, and in the stories that I tell myself.
The not so pretty news, though, is that the *most likely* root cause of my leg pain is a rather extensive spread of *most likely* breast cancer cells into my bones and spine.
A recent MRI shows what doctors interpret as cancer metastasis. Whether it is breast cancer cells that have spread, or whether other types of cancer cells are having an out of control party in those areas of my body, this cannot be determined until a tissue sample is analyzed under a microscope in a biopsy. But regardless of the type of cell overgrowth, it cannot be denied that my health situation is serious.
I felt well prepared for news of this magnitude about the health of my body at this point in my journey. I have *lived* for 8 years since my original breast cancer diagnosis in 2009.
I instinctively knew what I needed to do:
- Decide that I still want to live
- Trust myself
A part of me still feels that I can’t help but question some of my past decisions, and to what-if myself about doing more of this and less of that—although, logically, I know that it will not make any difference now, except for how much stress I put myself through. Only *I* can stop feeling “bad” about it, and I’m using my meditation skills to do that. I’m almost there!!
I am recognizing that I made the best decisions I could with the knowledge, resources and convictions I had at the time…and that by questioning those decisions now, I am still learning from those experiences back then and from this experience of my current circumstances.
I want to give my genuine view about my situation.
I want to share the hope I feel that I can somehow come out of this, with years of living more experiences, which I truly believe is possible.
I am sharing far and wide, as I want to give everyone who knows my situation the opportunity to, please, support each other.
I want to receive the belief that I am already healing.
I believe that the thoughts, prayers and beliefs of others—directed my way—can make a difference.
I thought about how difficult it is for me to forget the mainstream story of certain death in a short time that a diagnosis of this magnitude brings to mind—to forget it in favour of keeping focused on other stories:
- stories of radical remissions*,
- stories of people living for years and decades with terminal cancer diagnoses,
- stories of people living long lives with all sorts of health challenges, including cancers, but without knowing what specifically ails them,
- stories of me, once again, being a statistical outlier (being unique, special, different).
And, if it is difficult for me to keep focus on the stories of longevity, I thought about how difficult it may be for those I share this with, and ask for their support, to keep focus on those stories of longevity and recovery.
Admittedly, we don’t actually ever know anything for sure, and really, anything is possible. And so, what if the effects of thoughts, prayers and beliefs for someone’s health and longevity are like the effect of…democracy—where reality is determined by a majority vote in favour of an outcome.
What if life is a health-ocracy? What if each person reading this or hearing about my latest diagnosis actually has a say in the outcome of my well-being and on my longevity?
Trusting that each person is a powerful being, I wonder if seeing life as a healthocracy can make it easier for me, and for each person that knows my situation, to keep focus on the stories of recovery and longevity…
I think so.
And I trust that others will think so, too!
Individually, we’re pretty powerful, but maybe not sufficiently powerful at this point in evolution to make a huge difference in another person’s health outcome—but if anything is possible, as I believe it is—then it’s possible that each person, now, can contribute with their hopeful thoughts in a healthocratic kind of way…and together, we can help me to stick around a long while longer still…
*Reading the research-based book, entitled Radical Remission, may be helpful. It follows the fate of over 100 individuals across the world in recent years, who received a terminal, Stage 4, wide-spread cancer diagnosis—and lived for years and decades to tell about it. In addition, the researcher interviewed 50 holistic healers and studied over 1000 documented cases to write this book. The author then summarized the 9 most common factors in these people’s lives that shed some light on their radical remissions:
- Radically changing your diet.
- Taking control of your health.
- Following your intuition.
- Using herbs and supplements.
- Releasing suppressed emotions.
- Increasing positive emotions.
- Embracing social support.
- Deepening your spiritual connection.
- Having strong reasons for living.
These may be considered to be the essential “treatments” that these individuals embraced in their own healing journeys.
Related is this article on the 9 Key Factors Affecting Radical Remission From Cancer, which refers to over 3500 case studies published in the medical literature, and collected by the Institute of Noetic Sciences, about people who experienced spontaneous remissions from seemingly “incurable diseases.” Most of the case studies revolved around people with Stage 4 cancer diagnosis, who either declined conventional treatment or were given treatment deemed by doctors to be inadequate for a cure.
…what else is going on in my days?
I celebrated my birthday month with various get-togethers with friends and relatives in-person over delicious meals and via Skype, went out dancing, took myself out for a steak tartare dinner and Fifty Shades Darker movie date, had a stranger leave me a beautiful white lily in the basket of my bicycle, received a loving birthday gift from my German travel companion, let myself sleep in on many occasions, kept up with my daily morning 2 minute plank routine and weekly Pilates classes, among other enjoyable experiences.
I said goodbye to my favourite local grocer that’s closing its doors after decades of operating in that location. Between stocking up there, and during a Costco shopping spree with my friendly neighbour, my pantry is overflowing with food abundance.
I’ve attended several author readings and the Room Magazine writing festival—and a few comedy shows touring in Vancouver.
I’ve dusted off the draft of my book, Maggie’s Way, and began writing down my story again.
I’ve re-read some of my poetry from my collection of over 100, which I still really like, and plan to work on sharing more of it online and publishing it.
I also plan to pay some attention to getting my affairs in order, and finally get to some of those organizational tasks—such as updating my will, and preparing power of attorney documents—as there’s really no time like the present for this kind of administrative fun.
I plan to visit with a couple of my engineering girlfriends in Victoria on Vancouver Island over the Easter long weekend in April.
In the Summer, I may go abroad on a healing retreat and / or a bucket list trip.
This year, I celebrate my 20th anniversary of graduating in engineering from the University of Waterloo, 20 years of living in Vancouver, and 20 years since moving here on the cross-Canada train. I’m planning to go back East for the graduation reunion in September—maybe even on the train!
And I’m adding specific experiences to my bucket list for afterwards.
And resting! I plan to spend a good portion of my days in peaceful, life-affirming, comfortable places—in nature, in my body and mind with my soul, and in my beautiful, granxurious new bed!
I highly recommend guided meditations on YouTube by Jason Stephenson.
Here are some of my favourites:
- Letting Go: A Guided Meditation, The Magic Book, Spoken Word Guided Visualization, Waterfall Relax
- Before Sleep | Spoken Guided Meditation | Chakra Alignment | Chakra Balance
- Letting Go Before Sleep Guided Meditation Hypnosis (voice only)
- Daily Morning Meditation for Positive Energy | Clarity and Achievement, After Sleep
And more recently, these:
- 528 Meditation for Life (A spoken guided mind visualization for peace and healing)
- 528 hz DNA Healing/Chakra Cleansing Meditation/Relaxation Music “Sounds of Nature”
Although my situation is serious, since I’m still alive, it is not too late!
Thank you for caring and for witnessing this part of my journey.
- in comments below, and / or
- email me [ firstname.lastname@example.org ].
Thank you for understanding that it might take me a while to respond, and for trusting that I will read your message but may not respond individually.